I am woman
I am flawed, I am broken, I am damaged
I am woman
I am beaten, I am trampled, I am Ignored
I am woman
I am confident, I am sure, I am a fortress
I am woman
I bear fruit, I melt hearts, I build dreams
I am woman
I am many things in one
I am undefinable, I am indescribable
I am woman
Alágbádá Iná
The one with the garment of fire
Àṣẹ̀dá Ọ̀rún
The one who created the heavens
Ẹ̀rù jẹ̀jẹ̀ létí òkún
The mighty one at the edge of the sea
Ọba àwọn ọba
King of kings
Mo tẹríba fún ọ
I bow to you
Títí ayé ni mo ma sìn ọ́
I will worship you for eternity
You invade my thoughts
The sweet timbre of your voice plays in my mind every night before I go to sleep
I find myself sitting, wishing, waiting for that good morning text
That “did you sleep well” voice note
That quick check-in before you start your day
I’m left immobile until you hit play
Waiting for a sign
Anything that could point me to where your thoughts lie
Do you care?
Do I hold a corner of your heart hostage?
Am I all you hoped for and more?
Or am I simply an object of fascination
A puzzle which once solved will soon be discarded
Reaching for my phone
Looking for a text
A phone call
Anything
*ping*
A sigh of relief
We’re still talking
It’d been so long, I’d almost forgotten
Forgotten what loving you felt like
The catch in my breath,
The spring in my step,
The unguarded flutter in my chest.
You.
Always you.
So many are happy to see this year go and I don’t blame them
How could I?
We crossed over into the new decade with dreams of a new beginning
And what a beginning it was
For most it felt like the beginning of the end
And I can relate
I too felt lost at sea
Tossed about this way and that
The tide almost overcame me
But…
It didn’t.
If you’re here. Reading this…then you overcame it too
This was no small feat
Never forget.
We press forward to a new horizon hoping it will be better than the last
Trusting that our spirits will not be broken
Our hearts will not be met with anguish
Our hopes and dreams will not remain hopes and dreams.
It’s a new dawn, a new day
And it’s ours for the taking
For once, I don’t have the words.
There are none.
None to express the level of hurt and rage building in my chest.
I knew my government didn’t care; in fact I’ve known for years.
What I can’t reconcile, what I will never accept, is this level of unbridled wickedness.
Nothing that happens after this can make up for what happened today – a thing that should never have been thought of much less executed.
In the past week, I’ve seen a river of bodies unaccounted for.
Women, men, wives, husbands, children weeping as they share their horrid encounters with those sworn to protect.
We asked for one thing; Justice!
And the response was Blood and Tears
Usually I seek comfort in words, but
Nothing can take away this hurt.
Nothing can take away the pain.
There are no words.
None.
Saw you out of the corner of my eye
Wine shirt, black jeans
Mask on
Unbothered, unfazed
Didn’t mean to stare…
But for whatever reason, I’m drawn to you
Next stop.
You get off.
Today for the first time since it all began, I cried.
I’d tried to be strong
I’d done as asked
Unplugged, recharged, tried to focus on anything else
But how do you unplug from life itself?
How can I redirect my focus from an epidemic that threatens to wipe out people that look like me
Where do I recharge when everything is hellbent on draining me?
Today I lost a sister at the hands of a man like the ones she’d been fighting for moments before
The same men who’ve lost their lives for the sin of existing
Over there, a lynching, over there a murder, over there rape, over there injustice, everywhere death.
I ask, what have we done? I have to ask because nothing else makes sense.
There must be some sin, some moment that started this all because we’re here now and everything is chaos.
Even as I pen this, I’m at a loss for where we go next.
The petitions have been signed, donations made, protests marched
And yet here we are, exactly where we began…
Sad, angry and fed the fuck up